I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize