youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
