That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
