I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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