I look better un-naked...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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