either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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