I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
