How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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