I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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