she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize