In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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