shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need a beard to bite.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
