as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
