Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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