she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
