the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
