I wish my penis had an off switch
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
