You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
