you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize