Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
