Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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