Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
