I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
