i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
