in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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