Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
