i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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