Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
