My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
