Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
