I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
