The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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