ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
