Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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