I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
