hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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