After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
