Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
