well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
