sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
