i can't believe i had my finger in that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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