What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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