The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
