I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
