She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
