did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
