so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
