this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
