I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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