Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Farmville is her only friend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
