I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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