yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
