All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
