Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
