Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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