somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
