Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
