we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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