Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
