everyone is single if you try hard enough
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
