just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
