Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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