Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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