I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
