This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize