ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
