you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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