I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
