and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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