Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
