she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hippo gnu deer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
