just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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