she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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