the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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